Come Crashing Down
by S.T.A.R.S Chick
Summary: ["Tell me, how does it feel to be on the requited side of unrequited love?"] Duo writes Heero a letter he'll never read... 1x2


Disclaimer - I don't own Gundam Wing

A/N: So… I'm a noob here. I've never ever written a 1x2 fic… so… I hope this worked out.

Dedication: To Jessica, who inspires me.

Come Crashing Down

Not before I met you had I ever even thought of suicide. It for was people who were too weak to deal with their own problems. It was for people who thought it was cool to give up. It was for people who are selfish and just want to try and make some sort of fucked up impact on the world.

Now I know it's for me. I'm one of those people who fantasize about my death. I think about how you would react… how the news would strike you. I would hope that you would regard the news of my passing with an open-mouth, whispering "God, no…". Then blaming yourself for everything, saying it was all your fault… cause it was. All your fault. You'd never be the same after it. People would tell you that all the time. Then they would whisper... Think maybe we had a love affair. How wrong they would be.

Tell me, how does it feel to be on the requited side of unrequited love?

Tell, me, cause I want to know. I want to know how I feels to go to bed every night knowing you've fucked up my life a little more. 

Just being there, toying with me… how am I supposed to know how you feel when you won't even talk to me? I try so hard to reach you, but you're just not there. I'm grasping at a ghost. You're sitting there, smiling at me. You're walking away, taking pride in the fact that you wounded me so.

There are days I want to cut myself, just so see how long I'd bleed. To see how much I'd hurt. But I never will. I never will, because I already know I'll be addicted to it. And then there would be no stopping me. Can you imagine that?

I love you so much… do you know what it feels like to be in love? I would give up everything for you - if you would just say you loved me. If you would just call me… write me… I don't care. I would betray every feeling I've ever known, and do it just for you. I would do anything for your love. But your love will never come. You don't know how I feel about you. You'll never know. I'll never tell you.

You don't deserve to know. I hate that I love you. I hate that you make me feel this way. I hate that the littlest things you do can make me hate you -- and moreover, hate myself.

I hate myself because of you. I hate how you make me question my worth. I hate that. Don't you see that all I want is to be with you? If I ever told you that, I'd lose you… But

I can't help but feel this way.

I also hope you never read this. You'll know everything about me. There's this part of me I hide from the world… the part of me that loves you. That hides in the dark and waits for her death… and I don't want you to ever know that person.

When you come home, I'm going to act like nothing's changed. I'm going to pretend that you didn't hurt me… that your lack of correspondence didn't kill me inside.

I love you, Heero. And I hate that I love you. It's not fair. I didn't ask to love you. I just feel that way. Part of me wants to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. But I can't do that. As much as I hate you… I love you. And I can't hate you.

What the fuck… why can't I hate you? I want to… I'm spending this moment thinking of all the reasons I hate you… but just as many… I can think of all the reasons I love you.

I want you to hurt. I want you to bleed and I want to see it all. I want to witness your breakdown. I want you to spend one fucking day in my shoes and realize that everything is a façade.. And late in the night, I dream about my death. I want you to know how it feels to have a broken heart every minute of the day.

Why do you have to be this way? Why do you make me hate you? Why is it with you I feel so inadequate?

Why can't I stop loving you?

Make it go away. Make everything go away. I want to start over. I want to go back to the start of our friendship and just redo everything.

Why do you have to hurt me?


End file.
